I never wanted to hurt you
by JackAddict
Summary: Trial. Release. Struggle to cope. And a friend to confide in. Tony and Michelle post season 3. First part of the Faces From The Past trilogy, but all fics can be read independently. Please post your thoughts,i.e. reviews. Thanks.
1. The Trial

**This is the first part of a prequel to the second roleplay fanfic set between s3 and s4 that we're currently working on. **

**Flashback: **  
S3, Tony Almeida is being arrested for treason, after the Michelle / Jane Saunders exchange. Tony: "You just take care of business, Jack, I'll be alright." Jack watches as Tony is being led away.

Jack on the phone to Hammond. "This operation started a year ago with Gael, Tony and myself. Gael gave his life. I became an addict just to maintain my cover and now you're sending Tony to prison? It's wrong. Brad, it's wrong and you know it. You should be putting a medal on him, not handcuffs."  
Hammond: "Jack, you can testify at his hearing."

Erin Driscoll: "Jack, I'm removing you as Head of Field Ops."   
Jack: "Where do you want me to go?"  
Erin: "That's up to you."

**Courtroom.**

Tony Almeida in the defendant bench, Jack Bauer in the witness stand.

Bailiff steps up to Jack: " Mr. Bauer, raise your right hand. Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God?"

"I do."

Tony's lawyer Alex Thomas: "Mr. Bauer, could you please state to the court your current job position?"

Jack: "I am currently employed by the Department of Defense, as Special Assistant to the Secretary of Defense."

"And prior to that, you worked for Counter Terrorist Unit, Los Angeles, isn't that correct?"

"Yes. That is correct."

" In your opinion, during the 5 or so years that you've known the defendant Tony Almeida, has he always carried out his duties to his best ability?"

"Yes," Jack answers without hesitation, then glances at Tony. "Yes, I've always known Tony Almeida as a reliable and trustworthy co-worker."

Jack tosses a glance at Michelle, sitting in the courtroom, not too far from the back, her face pale, the anxious look in her eyes.

"Thank you Mr. Bauer. No further questions your Honor. Your witness."   
The prosecutor, Dan Skinner nods and stands up.

Jack nods. Just this? He could have said so much more.

Skinner: "Mr. Bauer, during the events of the day in question, you were a heroin addict, were you not?"

Michelle hears each and every word sliding into her ears, she could hear every single noise in the courtroom, and each time someone spoke her heart would beat faster, then she heard those words heroin addict. Her heart stopped dead, her hands started shaken, it was only then she realized they had no chance, that this court would drag them through the mud.

Jack stares at the prosecutor calmly, but coldly. He takes his time before replying. "Yes, but I don't understand how this has anything to do with this investigation."

Skinner looks at the judge. "It goes to the credibility to the witness´ testimony for that day".

"Were you under the influence of narcotics during that day?"  
"I was trying to quit."  
"But you had shot up just a few days earlier?"  
Jack sighs. This guy is not letting go. He gives Tony a look before answering.  
"Yes. I had."  
"Who was aware of your addiction at that time?"  
"My partner Chase Edmunds. Although I wasn't aware of that."

"So until the drug paraphernalia was found in your office, you never went on record with this addiction?" Skinner asks incredulously.

"No. I knew that it would have been misunderstood. I incurred that habit in the line of duty. I did what I did to maintain my cover with the Salazars and I wasn't proud of the fact that I had become an addict, but I was trying to conquer my addiction - and I succeeded. However, I was able to fulfill my duties at all times."

"Your addiction put your colleagues at risk. What if you had shot up right before a major crisis and managed the countermeasures while drugged!"

"Objection, Your Honor!", Tony's lawyer exclaims. "This is not an investigation of Jack Bauer's drug addiction at the time."

"Withdrawn, Your Honor." Skinner continues. "You have also had some altercations with the defendant prior to that day, have you not? As well as during that day."

Jack pauses before answering. "Yes. We had minor altercations, but I really don't see where this is going." Jack turns to the judge before continuing. "I believed the purpose of this trial was to investigate a possible treason case."

Judge: "As far as I know Mr. Bauer, both sides are allowed to make some clarifications and the other side can object. You are not allowed to comment on the proceedings. Go ahead Mr. Skinner."

"Fine.", Jack sighs. He has no choice but to obey.

"So, could you tell us Mr. Bauer, did the defendant lie to you about the circumstances which lead to Stephen Saunders's escape from the building he was in?"

Jack's eyes turn towards Tony. It's clear he is sorry to have to answer this, but it's the only truth.

"Yes." He knows he is supposed to say nothing further now, but he promised himself to do whatever he can to help, so he continues. "Yes, he did, but he had no choice under the circumstances. He agreed to co-operate later, and his co-operation lead to the successful arrest of Stephen Saunders."

Tony looks at Jack and barely nods at him understandingly. The prosecutor continues: "Agent Almeida also removed Jane Saunders from CTU premises in order to return her to her father. When was it that you found out about this?"

"Just minutes later."

"And he did this explicitly against CTU protocol, correct?"

"He had no choice under the circumstances." It's getting tight. "Mr. Skinner, of all the people I've ever had a privilege to work with in my lengthy career, Tony Almeida has been one of the most loyal and most upright. Breaking protocol wasn't something he did regularly. At this point, if I had to trust anyone with my life, it would be him."

Judge: "Alright Mr. Bauer, that's enough."

Skinner: "Thank you Mr. Bauer. No more questions, Your Honor."

Judge: "The witness may step down."

Jack leaves the witness stand, Alex Thomas, Tony's lawyer stands up: "Your Honor, the defense calls Agent Tony Almeida."

Tony gets up and glances at Jack and for a moment longer at Michelle as if to re-assure her and himself that he is doing the right thing by testifying. Then he slowly walks to the witness stand and waits.

Bailiff steps up to Tony this time: "Agent Almeida, raise your right hand. Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help you God?"

"Yes I do."

Alex Thomas: "Please state your name and occupation for the record."

"Tony Almeida, Special Agent In Charge of CTU, Los Angeles."

"Agent Almeida, how long have you been employed by CTU LA?"

"For a little over five years."

"Could you tell the court what positions within CTU you had before your last one?"

"Prior to that I worked as the Deputy Director of CTU and as an Intelligence Agent."

"And you also served your country in the Marine Corps?"

"Yes I did, I served four years on active duty and 4 in the Inactive Reserve. I rose to the rank of first lieutenant."

"Allow me to point out that these are all very responsible positions, that require good discernment and leadership skills." He pauses to let these words take effect, then continues. "Agent Almeida, on the day Stephen Saunders tried to hold our country hostage, when he kidnapped your wife, was it ever your intention to betray your country?"

"No, that was never my intent. The final outcome of all of my actions that day, was to apprehend the perpetrators of these acts."

"Thank you. No further questions."

Skinner gets up. "Agent Almeida. On that day, when you agreed to co-operate with a terrorist and break every regulation in the book, did it ever occur to you what consequences your actions might have?"

"Objection, your Honor! Suggestive!", Tony's lawyer exclaims.

"I'll rephrase it: On the day Saunders kidnapped your wife, did it ever occur to you what consequences your actions might have?"

Tony scratches his neck nervously and answers: "Yes, I was aware of the consequences, but my intention was to apprehend Stephen Saunders as well as to get my wife back safely. I was aware of them and that's why I am here today." After saying this he looks at Michelle across the room.

"Could you specify that for us please? How exactly was it that you were hoping to apprehend Saunders without letting anyone on CTU staff in on what you were doing? Your friend Jack Bauer testified to your great friendship right here in this courtroom. Why didn't you confide in him?", Skinner says, pointing his finger at Jack.

"As much as I value him as a colleague and as a friend, I knew he might not have agreed with my plan and if Saunders found out about that, he would have killed my wife! You do not understand, as federal agents we accept the risk of being injured or even killed ourselves, but I was not willing to sacrifice the life of my wife that lightly! Before this day, Jack was in a identical situation and he handled it just like me." Tony glances at Jack apologetically, as if to tell him he's sorry for what he just said. Jack nods. It's okay.

"So you do admit that you put your wife's well-being above the good of the country?"

"Yes."

Skinner glares at Tony, then turns towards the judge and states, almost triumphantly: "Your Honor, that - is an act of treason." He pauses. "And that - and only that - is why we're here today. "No matter what the defendant's reasons were, no matter if he was Mr. Clean throughout his whole life until that day, he kidnapped a witness and put the whole country in jeopardy for personal reasons. This behavior is inexcusable in a Federal Agent and should be harshly punished. No further questions." Skinner sits back down.

Cut.

The jury comes back in.

The judge: "Has the jury reached a verdict?"

"We have, your Honor.", the jury spokesman says.

"What say you?"

"In the matter of United States vs. Almeida we, the jury, find the defendant, Tony Almeida, _guilty_ of treason against the United States of America."

Tony sighs very deeply but then raises his head to see what the judge has to say.

Judge: "Agent Almeida, I sympathize with your situation. You were put in a position where no man should ever be placed, to choose between his duty to his country and his family. You also have an impressive service record with the Federal Government before this. There were also mitigating circumstances to your actions that day. You had been shot mere hours before this and still chose to return to CTU to run this operation, much to the opposition of your wife. And even whilst under duress, you attempted to help CTU locate Stephen Saunders. After your arrest you helped to obtain to the last vial of this virus. So in these circumstances, the court hereby sentences you to the minimum sentence of 20 years in prison, as well the loss of your officer commission. The Court is adjourned."

As the deputies come for Tony, he asks them if he could have a short moment to say goodbye to his wife and friend. The deputy agrees.

Tony walks up to Jack, looks him in the eye, shaking his hand and says: "Thank you Jack. For everything. Take care of Michelle, alright?"

"Of course I will. Don't worry about it." Jack can't believe Tony was found guilty. It seems so unfair. Jack moves one step closer to Tony, so he can speak in a very low voice. "Tony, I'm not giving up on this. I'll get you out. I owe you that much."

Tony then walks to Michelle, gently wiping her tears away, he pulls her so that their foreheads are touching and whispers: "Hey, it's OK. We knew this was the best we could hope for. Do not for a day think that I will ever regret my decision of saving you. _I love you_." Michelle just looks at him with teary eyes, but cannot speak. The deputies come and cuff Tony to take him away.

Jack joins Michelle, while Tony is being cuffed and led away. They both watch him calmly succumb to his fate. As Tony disappears around the corner, Michelle buries her head in her hands, finally sobbing out loud. Jack hugs her.

The screen goes black.


	2. A Glimpse of post Prison Life

**second part of the prequel**

_**and since this was a roleplay (therefore, only limited editing possible): **_

_**Michelle: neromaguire; Tony, Hammond: MFLuder, Jack: JackAddict **_

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**The Almeida Residence ****  
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A few months have passed since Tony's release from prison. He has attempted to continue life as normally as possible, but Michelle can already sense from his behavior that everything isn't right.  
He hasn't started to look for a job yet, still adjusting.

The stars are shining and Tony is standing in the doorway that leads to the balcony, just taking it all in.  
Michelle watches from the kitchen table, she sees Tony standing in the door way, a bottle of beer in his hands. She shakes her head. It had been like this since he had gotten back, she had to say something to Tony, had to get him to come back to reality, had to get him to start living again. She slides away from the table moving silently behind him, She raises her hands ever so slightly and places them onto his shoulders, "Tony?" she whispers softly into his ear.

He jerks abruptly from her touch and lets out a small surprised gasp: "Oh God, please don't sneak up on me like that."

She begins to lower her hands then stops sliding them around the top of his chest and pulling him into a tight hug, she can feel his heart racing underneath her hands, "Sorry," She whispers softly kissing his cheek, she can smell the alcohol that hangs in the air, she closes her eyes tightly, "Are you ok?" She brings herself to ask without pulling away.

"I'm fine Michelle. Anyway, how was your day at the office?" he asks, changing the subject and carefully moving away from her embrace.

She sighs softly to herself. She knows he wants to stay away from that subject but it was hurting them, they would have to confront it some time. "You know the usual, loud noise, ringing phones, lots of reading."

"Yeah I know", Tony says quietly. "Do you always put in such long days in the office? It's after 11 now and you came home after nine." It seems that he's almost forgotten the long hours they both used to put in. His life had been controlled for months by the meticulous schedule that everyone at the prison followed.

The phone rings.

Tony: "You mind answering that?"

"Almeida residence," Michelle says as she answers the phone. She nods, "Yeah I'll just get him." Michelle carries the phone over to Tony, "It's for you hon," She says handing him the phone.

Jack waits until he hears the phone is handed over. "Tony? It's Jack. Just wanted to see how you're doing."

Tony: "Hey Jack, I'm ok. You never really told me how you got Palmer to pardon me." Tony adds quickly, not wanting to go any deeper into discussing his emotional state.

"What does it matter? You're out, that's all that counts."

Tony sighs "Yeah, I suppose you're right. Are you in DC now?"

"Yeah. But I'm coming to L.A. later this week. Tony, I'd like to see you."

"Sure, not like I have more pressing matters to attend to.", he says with a slight self-depriving laugh in his voice. "You know where to reach me. Anyway, it's getting late, let me know when you get here and we'll talk more then, OK? "

"Okay. Tony, hang in there, alright?"

"I will. Later Jack."

"Okay, bye." Jack hangs up.

She takes the phone from Tony and stares at it, going through what she knows she has to say but doesn't want to because it will hurt him. She looks up into his eyes. "You can't keep doing this Tony, pushing people away."

"I'm not pushing anyone away. Just leave it, alright!", Tony says defensively.

"You may think what you're doing isn't hurting anyone Tony, but it is," Michelle pauses, the desperation sounding in her voice, "It's hurting me... It's hurting us." She closes her eyes raising a hand to her eyes, trying to hold back the tears that she can already feel coming.

Tony sees the hurt in her eyes and pulls her into his arms: "I'm sorry I snapped at you sweetheart. I didn't mean to hurt you. I just need time to sort this out for myself."  
Michelle nods; she knows in her heart that it's going to take some time. "I know... It's just I want the old you back, and I know it's gonna take some time, and I'm here for you the whole way." She accepts the embrace her head gently resting on his muscular shoulder.

He gently tucks one of her wayward curls behind her ear. "Come on, let's get some sleep."

As Tony and Michelle go to sleep, the nightmares start. Memories of fights with other inmates and solitary confinement come back to Tony's dreams. He tries to fight the other inmates off but they always get to him and after that the guards attack him. He wakes up with a shout, covered in sweat, gasping for air.

Michelle awakens from her sleep at the shout. She sits up quickly, looking at Tony. She sees his face, sees his body rigid with fear of past memories. It was the dreams, the nightmares. She wraps her arms around him. "Shhh, it's ok," She whispers soothingly into his ears. "It's ok, you're not there anymore Tony, you're back with the people that love you." She pulled him back down onto his back, caressing him tenderly. "It's ok."

But it wasn't ok...not by a long shot...

Gradually Tony calmed down with Michelle's gentle touches and fell back asleep. It was restless, but he did not wake up again during that night. As he woke up in the morning, it was a little before six and Michelle was still asleep. He went to the kitchen and made some coffee all the while thinking about what had happened during the night: This has to stop.

Tony goes to the bedroom and wakes Michelle up with a cup of coffee: "Honey, wake up. Come on, wake up, it's almost seven in the morning."

Michelle lay silently on the bed, her eyes slowly opening as Tony whispers her name. Her sleepy gaze settles on the fine features of her husband. She accepts the coffee and takes a long draught from it. "Thanks," She whispered gratefully "But," She began sliding from the bed. "I decided to stay home with you for the day, I'm sure they can manage at work without me for one day."

"You sure about that? Won't Hammond question this? We both know he hates me as it is." He says the last sentence without being able to hide the contempt and irony in his voice.

Michelle notices this; she shakes her head looking back up from the floor and into Tony's eyes. "I don't care what Hammond says."

"Yeah. I'm going to get the paper." He leaves the room, avoiding her again. Not wanting to be reminded of his past job by thinking of Hammond.

Michelle knows she brought that on herself. She closes her eyes as Tony slips out of the room silently. She finishes the coffee and leaves the bedroom.

After coming back inside, Tony unceremoniously sinks into the couch and starts to surf the channels with the remote, throwing the paper onto the coffee table.

Michelle looks at him, she's made up her mind. She moves over to the phone and picks it up dialing Hammond's number. "Brad it's Michelle. I'm taking the day off."

Hammond answers the phone: "What! Michelle, you can't just do that whenever you feel like it! We are shorthanded and the selection of the new CTU staff is still unfinished... you were supposed to supervise that."

Michelle rolls her eyes. "Look I have been supervising it, and I'm not doing it when ever I feel like it," She pauses, "Look Brad, you know how much of a rough spot myself and Tony have been going through, so just stop being your usual high-toned self and give me a chance to pull my husband back together, because right now, because of you being the bastard you are, he has no will left to live.", Michelle says angrily to Hammond, knowing she may have just lost her job.

Hammond: "You haven't heard the last of this Michelle. I suppose birds of a feather do flock together. I thought you were better than that traitor husband of yours". He hangs up.

Tony has been lying on the couch listening to Michelle's side of the discussion. "What did you just tell him Michelle? Are you using me as an explanation to Hammond; that I can't handle myself? Is that what you think of me, huh!" he says nearly shouting the last sentence.

Michelle stared at Tony, shocked, the phone still in her hand. She was speechless. Tony had never spoken like that to her. "I'm not using you..." That was all she managed to say. She waited a moment, but got no reaction from him.

"Tony I know you can handle yourself, it's just I want to help you, I want to be here with you because I LOVE YOU, OK?" She said, yelling the last words.

"That I do know, but I do not like to be used as some explanation... as some reason for Hammond!" He gets up from the couch, takes his jacket and goes to the door without looking at her again.

She rushes to the door blocking his path. "Don't go out that door Tony...Please...Please don't leave me again!"

"Look Michelle, I am not leaving you. Right now I need to think things through. I'll be back, I promise." Tony says the last sentence with a soft tone of voice and briefly caresses her cheek before going out the door.

Michelle nods knowing she can't say anything to change his mind. "Ok..." She whispered softly watching the love of her life walk out the door.

He walks down to the beach not far from their house, letting the wind blow against his face for the first time in months. Longer than he wants to remember. He sits down on a rock by the place where he used to come with his wife, buries his head in his hands and cries. He thinks to himself Oh God, what has happened to me. I can't take this for long.

Not knowing when Tony would be back, Michelle pulled on her clothes. She didn't want to leave, but she was going to, she had something to sort out with Hammond. She quickly jotted down a note for Tony and put it in the one place she knew he would look, the alcohol cabinet. Then she walked outside locking the door behind her and sliding inside her car.

Michelle looked down from her temporary office on the top floor of CTU, she could see Hammond coming in through the doors. She sighed, she knew a fight was coming and she braced herself. A knock at the door startled her, she turned to see Chloe at the door. She motioned for her to come in. "What can I do for you Chloe?" Michelle asked her glance darting back down at Hammond.

Chloe walked in to Michelle's office in her usual manner, giving Michelle one of her assortment of strange looks. "I finished clearing space on the network."

Michelle nods slowly. "Is that all?"  
"No... I need to get higher clearance to back up some of the intel on the division servers." Chloe said quickly.

Michelle nodded writing down the username and password on a small piece of paper. "Here you go."

Chloe shook her head, "Michelle this is the wrong password, its 649 not 642."  
"Ok so if you know the password why are you coming in here asking me for it?"  
"I just wanted to get clearance for the files."

Michelle shakes her head. "Chloe if you have that password, then you have all the clearance you need."  
"But..." Michelle cut her off.  
"No but Chloe! I'm in no mood for your usual self, just do what you have to do instead of holding things up like this."  
"But Tony always wanted it done..." Chloe broke off when she saw Michelle tightening her grip on the pen in her hand. The pen snapped into two like a small twig.

"Sorry." Chloe whispered, leaving.

Michelle looked up to see Hammond at the door. _Ahhh right on queue_, she thought to herself letting go of the broken pen.

Hammond stands in the doorframe for a moment. "So you decided to grace us with your presence anyway. Good."

Michelle gave one of those looks that told him to shut up. "Hope you're happy Brad, not only have you effectively locked my husband in prison, but you've most likely ruined my marriage as well. See a pattern emerging here Brad?" Michelle asked flashing Brad one of those if-I-could-hit-you-I-would-smiles.

"As long as you do your job, I do not care what goes on in your personal life. But if you ever pull an unannounced stunt like that again, I will write you up for review! As for Tony, I imagined you would've seen the kind of man he is before you married him. Didn't the assault on Ryan warn you at all?"

Michelle tensed, she stood up from the desk and walked around to look Brad directly in the eyes. "Don't you ever say anything about the man I love again, don't utter a single syllable of Tony's name again, Or you'll regret it. Now get out of here Brad." Hammond didn't move. "The door's right there Brad, walk out."

"I really would've thought you to have more sense in these things." he tells her incredulously.

"Get out!" she says raising her voice.

"Fine. I don't feel like arguing over something like this with one of my subordinates. " With that Hammond leaves CTU.

When Tony comes back, it's already dark but the car is gone. He goes inside and pours himself a double shot of whisky, finding Michelle's note in the cabinet. "Figures." he laughs bitterly and after drinking the shot lies down on the couch, falling asleep.

It's late when Michelle comes home, she opens the door silently to see Tony asleep on the couch, an empty glass on the ground and the contents of a whisky bottle spilling out onto the carpeted floor. She closes her eyes tightly in an attempt to control her nerves. Moving around as silently as she can, she picks up the bottle and drops it in the bin, taking the glass she moves off to the sink to wash it, but stops halfway smashing it against the side of the steel sink. The glass shatters into hundreds of small fragments each one being washed away down the drain. Blood dribbles from cuts on Michelle's hand.

Tony wakes up to the sound of the breaking glass. Alarmed, he looks around for what caused the noise. He walks up to Michelle and sees her bleeding hand. "Oh sweetheart, what happened?"

She sighs wrapping a tea towel around her bleeding hand.

"Nothing Tony, just go back to sleep, ok?" She says softly, trying not to let any of her anger show in her voice.

"Hey...come here. Let's clean that up and go to bed, huh?" he pulls her in a hug from behind.  
She lets herself fall into his loving arms, closing her eyes tightly. "It's okay, hon, just go to bed I'll be in, in a sec." She leans back kissing his cheek softly.

"You sure you can clean that with one hand? Let me help." Tony says making amends for his earlier actions.

Michelle allows him to clean the blood from her hand knowing it's pointless to resist, but she doesn't really want to resist either, she just wants to be wrapped in his arms and fall into a deep sleep. She watches as he throws the glass into the bin, then wraps a clean piece of cloth around her still bleeding hand.

"How are you feeling?" She asks softly, her eyes focusing on his.

"I'm fine, don't worry about it." he says with a small smile. "There, come on, let's go to bed."

Michelle nods. "Ok." She says forcing a smile, she wants to get a straight answer from Tony but knows she's not going to get one.

Michelle falls asleep in Tony's arms but he does not sleep, knowing what happens if he does.

The days and nights pass, Tony barely eats, not sleeping at all or drinking until he falls asleep. Mostly he spends the nights awake looking at Michelle, afraid of the nightmares that will come if he joins her in sleep. He goes to a couple of interviews, but doesn't get any further than that.

Michelle sees what this is doing to Tony and decides to ask for Jack's help.


	3. Asking for Help

**third part of the prequel**

**and since this was a roleplay (therefore, only limited editing possible): **

**Michelle: neromaguire; Jack: JackAddict**_**  
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**The Almeida residence **

It was dark in the house apart from a lamp giving soft light in a corner of the lounge. Michelle sat curled up on a sofa. It was quiet; apart from her breathing, no sound broke the silence.

Suddenly, there was a ring at the door. She raised her eyes for a moment, they were wet and teary. It was evident she had been sitting like this for a while. Slowly, she placed her feet on the floor and walked to the door, answering it.

"Hey.", a deep voice greeted her from the other side of the doorframe.

"Hey Jack.", she answered and moved to the side, letting him pass.

Jack looked around, but didn't see much in the almost complete darkness surrounding him. He took off his jacket, placing it on a rack and followed Michelle inside.

"Want me to get you anything?", she uttered in a low voice as she heads towards the kitchen.

"No, I'm fine, thanks.", Jack replied. "Michelle. How are you holding up?", he asked straightforwardly.

She gave a loud sigh, then stopped and turned back to the lounge, letting herself drop onto an armchair wordlessly, then burying her head in her hands. "Jack... I...", she paused. "I don't know if I can do this much longer. I... I just can't."

"Hey, it's OK.", he tried comforting her. "Tell me everything.", he added, sitting down on the couch opposite her.

There was a long pause before she began talking. "Jack, these last few months... They've been hell and it does not seem to get any better. I never know where he is, he'll leave in the morning or at any given time and won't be back until late at night or for days in a row. I wait around, worried sick that something might happen to him, and when he finally gets back, he won't say word one about where he's been. There might be some small talk and at some point, he'll go angry and leave again. He's trying to drown his misery in whatever booze he can find but he won't do anything to overcome the pain or try to live a normal life again, let alone find a job he can keep for longer than a day." She paused, feeling bad about bringing this to Jack, but not knowing what else she could have done. "I won't even pretend to understand what he must have gone through but I would like to understand, if only he'd let me in on it. But I can't... I can't go on like this. He keeps shutting me out of his life and it's killing me." A sob escaped her as she wiped away a tear from her cheek. "I can't seem to get through to him and I don't know what to do." She finished and fell silent.

Michelle stared across the room at Jack, her gaze constantly flicking down at her hands, her knees pulled up to her chest. These last few months had been so hard on her, and on Tony more so. She wanted to scream inside, she was so hurt. She knew Tony had trouble talking about his feelings, but he had changed since he got out of prison, he was pushing everyone away, even her, and this hurt her so much.

Sitting on a sofa opposite her, Jack felt how tense she was, how devastated, how sad, staring at the floor in front of her. _Tony and Michelle_, it had become an expression to him, an undisputable fact. Jack had always known their love for each other was strong, but sometimes relationships just take so much more. Michelle had had a hard time since Tony got out of prison and Tony had become bitter and angry, unwilling to take his life into his own hands again, unable to take control. For months, Michelle had tried to cope with Tony's wasting away, but it had been hard. And now the time had come when she didn't know what to do, how to go on.

With an audible sigh, Jack stood up from the sofa and approached her slowly. He remembered the time after Operation Nightfall. He had gone through the same kind of feelings then. Just like Tony. Closing up emotionally. Pushing Teri away. They had almost divorced back then. He was able to relate to Tony's emotional state and Michelle had known that. That is why she had called him.

"Michelle. Believe me, I understand how you're feeling. The two of you have been through a lot and I know it's not easy.", he said.

Michelle half cringed from the approaching Jack, she wanted to be alone with her feelings but she had called him after all. She might want to be alone but she didn't want to push everyone away like Tony was. She gave no reply.

"Is there anything that I can do?" Jack asked as he crouched in front of her, gently placing his hands on her knees.

She waited before slowly raising her head. She looked up at him, nodding. "Yes, there is, Jack."

She took hold of his hands and looked up into his eyes. She looked into Jack's eyes and reflecting back in them was her desperation.

"Talk some sense into him Jack, make him realize what he's doing, and how much damage it is causing, please!" She clutched tightly onto his hands and by the time she finished saying those words, a single tear rolled down the smooth flesh of her cheek.

Jack nodded slightly. "You know I will do what I can."

But he knew it would be hard. He and Tony had been friends for years, it was sad for Jack to see Tony's and Michelle's marriage fall apart, and yet he felt he should stay out of this. But the hurt in Michelle's eyes was telling him that he couldn't. "I'll do what I can, Michelle, but you have to give him some time. I know it's hard on both of you, but you can work it out."

She gave a half nod, Jack was right but it didn''t make her feel any better. "I know Jack, but... I just want the old Tony back, the Tony that I loved." She pauses, closing her eyes and swallowed hard, holding back the small sob that had almost escaped her, "I want the Tony back that loved me! I need that Tony back."

Jack sighed, whispering. "I know."

And yet he knew that Tony was gone forever. And once again, he was confirmed in his sight of things. This job - well, the job they used to have - kills love, destroys relationships, makes feelings almost impossible to bear. Whether it's the job getting in the way of the feelings or the other way around, he didn't know. Either way, he felt anger. Disappointment, that it had happened again. "I'll try.", he softly said to her. He had wanted them to prove him wrong. He wanted them to make it. "I'll try, but I can't make any promises."

She wiped away her tears. Now standing, she embraced Jack. "Thank you Jack," she said half through sobs.

"It's okay.", Jack whispered, as she finally let go. Jack took her hands into his and tried to give her a reassuring look. "Things are going to be alright again.", He was not sure how this would work out. He knew he had to do something, but he didn't know how. He turned to leave, and as he reached the door, he heard a soft voice from behind him utter:

"I need him to still love me Jack... Does he still love me?" The question was simple, even though she did not expect a simple answer. She wasn't even sure if she expected an answer at all.

Jack briefly closed his eyes before slowly turning around to face Michelle and looking up from the floor, his eyes finding hers. She had sat back down onto the sofa, looking at him. He answered nothing for a few long seconds, just looking at her. He was sure that Tony used to love her. He probably still did. But what Tony was doing now wasn't making it easier to see underneath the shell. "I believe he does." Jack says, even if only to soothe Michelle's mind. And maybe his own, too.

And with that, he exited the room. A few seconds later the outside door was pulled to and an engine revealed him leaving.

Michelle remained where she was. She knew in her heart that this might be the last possible way to pull her husband back together. If Jack failed... but she didn't end that thought. Wearily, she let herself lay sidewards on the sofa, closing her eyes while waiting for Tony to come home.


	4. Words from a friend

**4th part of the prequel**

**originally a roleplay so..**

**Jack Bauer et al.: JackAddict**

**Tony Almeida: MFLuder**

* * *

**Words from a friend **

It's a beautiful sunny day, Jack Bauer is driving down a busy road in his SUV. He has to stop at yet another traffic light. Jack looks around, then checks his watch. 10:07 a.m. "Dammit.", he utters, slamming his fist against the steering wheel.

His phone rings. "Bauer.", Jack picks up.

"Jack, where are you? Heller needs you back soon.", a voice on the other end asks.

"Listen, I'm already late for a meeting. I'll be there as soon as I can." Jack drives off again, as the light turns to green.

"Alright.", the annoyed voice on the other end agrees. Jack hangs up.

Soon afterwards, Jack parks his car and walks towards a coffee shop. He takes a quick glance around before he enters. It's almost empty, a man is reading his morning paper, sitting at a table by the window, raising his head to look at Jack who's standing in the doorway. Two women are sitting at the bar, sipping coffee and laughing, obviously gossiping. Jack takes a seat at a table in the corner, sitting down so that his back is turned to the wall and the door and the glass window of the place are straight ahead. The years of living dangerously have taught him to be careful when doing anything, even if only meeting someone in the coffee shop.

"Good morning, Sir.", a waiter greets him. "Can I get you anything?"

"I'm expecting company.", Jack replies and the waiter leaves him alone. Jack glances around the place again.

After a while Tony walks in, tired and unshaven, his clothes looking like he slept in them. He spots Jack and goes over to him: "Hey Jack. Good to see you."

"Hey Tony.", Jack stands up and shakes Tony's hand. "Good to see you too. Have a seat."

The waiter walks up to them again. "Good morning. Would you like to order now?"

"A coffee, black." , Tony says.

"Same.", Jack adds and the waiter goes away.

Then Tony turns to Jack: "How did you happen to pick this place for our meeting Jack? We could've just met in the bar around Third where we used to go."

"I thought a little change of scene might do us both good. It's a nice place."

Tony scoffs slightly: "A change, huh? What are you saying Jack? You got something on your mind, just say it, alright?"

Jack gives a slight smile. "Tony, come on, we're friends. You haven't been returning my calls. I've been worried about you these past couple of months. I just wanted to check up on you, that's all. To make sure you're OK."

"Yeah well, let's just say I've been trying to get back to normal life."

Jack glances away for just a second, then looks back at Tony. "That's not what I've heard." The waiter brings the coffee, but is ignored by both men, who hold eachother's stare.

"Look Jack, I'm fine. You've been talking to Michelle, haven't you?" Tony says with a slight edge in his voice. "What goes on between me and my wife is between _us_."

Jack shakes his head no. "She didn't have to tell me anything... Tony, look at yourself. You're wasting away. I know you're in a tough place right now, but trust me, you _can_ get back on track."

Tony raises his voice, furious at Jack. "You're hardly the one to give me advice in this. You're not the one who just spent months locked up in a maximum security prison! SO HOW THE HELL SHOULD YOU KNOW!" With the last sentence Tony hits his fist on the table. The people in the room look at the two men, exchanging questioning glances. The waiter glances up from the cash register and obviously contemplates walking up to Jack and Tony, but doesn't. At least not yet.

"Tony, listen up! Calm down.", Jack says soothingly, having noticed they had drawn attention, and continues in a low voice. "So maybe I never did time in prison, but trust me, I know how you're feeling."

Tony lets out a sarcastic laugh, rolling his eyes and turns his head away from him. _How could he possibly know?_, he says to himself. _The way he thinks he just knows everything and everyone is amazing._

Jack looks Tony in the eye and continues. "Trust me, I do know. You're distancing yourself, you're pushing everyone away. Tony, I've _been_ there. After Nightfall. I lost all of my men, I blamed myself for it. I didn't want anyone to get near me. I pushed Teri away. She stuck with me, for a while. But it got too hard and we separated." Tony's eyes are now looking past Jack, focusing on a dirty spot on the wall in front of him. Jack pauses for a second before finding Tony's stare and holding it. "Tony, if you don't get a grip on yourself, you'll lose Michelle. And I know you _don't _want to lose her."

"Alright, look. No I don't want to lose her. But I don't need her pity. She despises me for what I did. She _resents_ me, Jack.", Tony snaps at Jack, now again glaring at him, feeling his blood rapidly rushing to his head.

"That's B/S, Tony. She_ loves_ you. The only thing she despises is what you're doing to yourself right now. Don't you think it hurts her to see you wasted day after day? Well, it does."

"What the hell is it to you Jack? Just back off!", Tony yells, his temper almost out of control.

"I just don't want to see the two of you fall apart, that's all..." Jack lowers his voice. "Tony, you're my best friend. You were my only real friend at times. I trust you with my life. I still do. But I didn't get you out of prison to watch you kill yourself drinking.", Jack says, knowing that Tony won't like hearing this, but hoping that these harsh words will have an effect on him.

Couple of seconds later, Tony stands up to leave and throws a few bills on the table, glaring at Jack with contempt. "You're really something, you know that Jack... I've gotta go." Then he heads for the door.

"Tony stop!" Jack scrambles a few bills from his wallet, also throwing them on the table, and catches up with Tony, blocking his path outside the coffee shop. "Okay, look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say that. I just want to see you come back to life. Let me help you find a job, alright? I just wanna help. Whatever you need. Not out of sympathy. Out of friendship."

Tony grabs Jack by the lapels of his jacket and pushes him forcefully against the concrete wall of the building. "Jack you son of a bitch... If only you had let me make the trade with Saunders according to my terms, we wouldn't be where we are now!" Tony yells angrily, even though he knows that Jack's actions that day were justified.

Jack stands quietly, keeping eye contact with Tony. "Alright, Tony, you wanna hit me? Hit me. Get it out of your system. But after that, let's just try to make the best out of this situation. It is what it is, and no-one can turn back the clock. I did what I could, I'm sorry it wasn't enough."

Tony backs off, breathing deeply. "I'm sorry Jack. I..."

"It's alright.", Jack says and readjusts his jacket. "I understand."

"I owe you Jack. Without you I'd still be doing twenty years.", Tony says apologetically.

Jack looks Tony in the eye. "I did it for a friend."

Tony pauses to think only for a moment, before curtly replying: "Yeah."

"You don't owe me anything. Just try to pull yourself together. Not for me. For Michelle.", Jack adds.

"Yeah. How long are you staying in L.A.?" Tony says, changing the subject. He does not want to deal with the events, even now they're still too painful for him.

"Just for a few days. Look...", Jack starts as his phone rings again. "Excuse me.", he picks up. "Bauer... Yes, I'll be right there." Jack hangs up again. "Tony, I'm sorry, I've gotta go. Secretary Heller's waiting for me."

"Yeah. Go on, we'll talk again someday."

"Alright, take care.", Jack says, shaking Tony's hand and pulling him into a quick hug, tapping him on the shoulder.

"Yeah, I will."

As Tony turns to leave, he feels slightly betrayed by Michelle. _Why did she go to Jack? She should have spoken to me first. _

Jack stands there for a few seconds watching Tony walk away and hoping that Tony will pull himself together, for his own sake as well as for Michelle's .Then he turns around and heads back to his SUV, back to Heller, back to work.


	5. The Confrontation

**5th part of the prequel **

**originally a roleplay, so... **

**Tony Almeida: MFLuder **

**Michelle Almeida: JackAddict / Neromaguire  
**

**

* * *

**

After his meeting with Jack, Tony heads home. He's angry and disappointed at Michelle for the fact that she spoke to Jack about things that were between the two of them. As Tony gets home, he sits on the couch and waits for Michelle.

Tony thinks to himself: _She owes me an explanation. Why did she go to Jack? Doesn't she trust me, or maybe she resents me so much she doesn't want to talk to me about this face to face. _After waiting for a while his fatigue overcomes him and he falls asleep, feeling angry and hurt at the same time.

As Tony wakes up again, it's already late afternoon. He sits up and rubs his face, thinking about what happened earlier. He pours himself a drink and walks to the window. He sees Michelle's car pulling up in the driveway so he places the glass on a table and sits back on the couch. At that moment the door to the lounge room slides open and Michelle walks through. She closes it behind her and smiles as she sees Tony. She walks over to the couch, sitting down next to him. "Hi" She says, reaching out and kissing his cheek, the rough stubble on his face brushing against her chin.

"Hey. I met Jack today." He says plainly, not responding to her affections.

"Really? How is he?" Michelle asks, leaning casually against his shoulders.

Feeling the anger come back up inside him, Tony gets up and starts pacing around the room. "You just had to go to him, didn't you? And tell him of the things that are only between us? Why didn't you talk to me first? I'm your husband, for God's sake."

Michelle realizes what has happened, she slowly starts to stand, looking Tony directly in the eyes, speaking softly. "I tried to talk to you Tony... but you always avoid me, you won't talk..." Tony turns away from her but she continues. "What else could I have done?"

Tony turns around abruptly, facing her again. "This is between you and me! Not between us and Jack! Are you doubting my judgment again, like you did with going to Ryan at CTU? YOU DON'T EVEN TRUST ME ANYMORE, DO YOU!", he yells with venom in his voice.

Michelle shrinks back. "I... Yes, it's between us, but when you act like this you don't give me a choice..."

Tony "A choice? There's always a choice Michelle! But obviously, you chose to trust Jack and not your husband! You didn´t trust me to do my job at CTU that day, why should you trust me now?"

"Honey please, I DO trust you, but every time I've tried to talk to you about this you've changed the subject. All this hasn't only been hard on you, Tony, it's been difficult for me too! I mean if you had actually been paying attention to me instead of drinking you might have realized that."

"My drinking is none of your business, Michelle! Let alone Jack's!", Tony yells. "You have no idea what I've gone through, so BACK OFF!" At this, he grabs the glas from the table and throws it forcefully onto the floor.

Taken aback by his demeanor, Michelle lowers her eyes for a moment in an attempt to hide the shock that must have been visible on her face. "Tony...", she utters, chancing a step towards him and taking his hand between hers.

He pulls his hand away and subconsciously touches the scar in his neck: "Sometimes I think it would have been better for you if I had died that day! You could have just moved on with your life, not having to go to Jack for help." He turns and walks to the window, silently staring at the setting sun.

Michelle sinks down into the couch staring at him, her mouth wide open. She swallows hard, closing her eyes tightly. "I need you Tony, I love you... But clearly you don't need me," She pauses to hold back a sob, "Or love me."

Tony hears her words and now Jack's words come back to him: "_Tony, if you don't get a grip on yourself, you'll lose Michelle_". He realizes he is losing her, but it's not because she doesn't trust him. It's because he has been blind in his misery. Blind to the pain he has caused her. He sees her beginning to sob inconsolably and it's breaking his heart.

He approaches her and tentatively touches her. She shrinks away slightly but he continues. "Oh baby, what have I done. I never wanted to hurt you. I wanted to save you. You're the one who gave my life meaning again after Nina, and you still do." A tear slides down his cheek. "I'm sorry."

Gently, she wipes away the tear from his cheek. "It hurts to be away from you Tony... But it hurts even more to sit here and watch you long for death. I can't do this. I don't want to just sit here and watch you die, I want you to live again, I _need_ you to live again.", she pleads, desperation in her voice.

Tony takes her into his arms, holding his crying wife tightly and whispers: "I'm so sorry sweetheart, so sorry... Please forgive me... I'll try." , he whispers, not willing to say anything more.

She wraps her arms around him, and they stay like this for a while. Then, she frees herself from his embrace and looks him in the eye pleadingly. "Talk to me, Tony, let me be a part of your life again. Let me help you through this. Just please don't give up." Her voice breaks.

"I never knew I was hurting you so badly. I need to know... will you forgive me?", he whispers, burying his head in her rich curls.

"You know I will Tony... I just feel so alone right now, so abandoned.", she utters the last word almost inaudibly.

The last words hit his heart like a hot knife. "I'm sorry.", he whispers after a while. He gets up with Michelle in his arms, and seeing she's exhausted he continues: "Let's get some sleep. You need to go to work tomorrow."

She nods, seeing the impact the words have had on her husband, she shakes her head, getting the thought out of her mind, the thought that had been running through her mind all day: _I won't be back after tomorrow_. But now, she didn't think that any more, she would stick around and see if things got better. She couldn't believe how close she had been to losing the person she loved.

Tony is torn, the last thing he wanted to do was to hurt Michelle. As they walk towards the bedroom, he holds her tightly, feeling bad about everything that has happened and everything that was still hapenning. _I'm sorry sweetheart, I never wanted to get you tangled in this… After all that we've been through ….I just want to try and forget it, get on with life._ He ponders.

He feels that it cannot go on like this, that something needs to change. But the scars he wears are still fresh and drowning them in alcohol is the only way he knows to make them disappear, if only for a short while. He will have to face his demons eventually, but right now, talking would just reopen the wounds that were barely healing.

* * *

this is the end of the prequel. what comes next is a separate story that takes place in one day between s3 and s4, but it may not be 24 chapters long. we'll see how long it gets. 


End file.
